8 Practical Reasons on Why Your Strong-Willed Child Will Not Obey

We all have heard about the hardships of parenting a strong-willed child. Everyone becomes aware of their parents’ mistakes, and it is like a self-promise that you will not repeat the same mistakes when you will have your children.

This is a guest post by Liam Catalan. Take it away, Liam!

Before parenthood, people imagine it to be easy, accessible, and without obstacles. But they often forget that children have their own identity and personality. They all have different temperaments, and some might turn out to be more disobedient than others.

What is a Strong-Willed Child?

A child is strong-willed when they having trouble obeying you. Strong-willed kids are determined to do things according to their own terms. It doesn’t mean they are a naughty child, however. It can be difficult to convince a strong-willed child to do something that they don’t want to do.

How Do You Parent a Strong-Willed Child?

When there are moments of disobedience by a strong-willed child, every parent wants to stay calm. The ideal situation would be the one when a parent reacts to a rebel child with calm, authority, and proactivity. And even though every parent imagines it to be like this, children are often more strong-willed than you can imagine.

You, as a parent, want the best for your children. You have more life experience, and all the events you went through made you who you are. But when your strong-willed child does not obey, you might feel that you have lost the battle. Parents often feel disheartened and frustrated because their children often push and test the limits imposed by their parents.

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What Do You Do When a Strong-Willed Child is Difficult?

Sometimes, moments of disobedience might be more difficult than others, and they can make you react in aggressive and angry ways. But there could be some reasons that could explain why your child does this. And understanding the causes of your child’s behavior can help you change this.

Of course, moments of rebellion will always be from time to time, especially during the teenage years. But a better understanding of the causes and stimuli for disobedience will help you healthily deal with them. Parents are responsible for inflicting specific thought and behavior patterns into their children’s cognitive paradigms. And this is obvious when they reach adulthood.

But it is also your responsibility as a parent to raise healthy and functional children. And you can better do this if you understand the reasons behind their behavior, including the disobedient one. Your strategy needs to be adapted and well-built for your children’s needs.

Why Won’t My Strong-Willed Child Obey?

The reasons for disobedience can be multiple. It may be a learned behavior from the child’s peers or your conduct. Here are some ideas that could explain the bad behavior of your strong-willed child. They will help you understand his behavior better and modify the way you cope with it.

#1 They Copy Others’ Behavior

You probably know by now that children learn a lot of behaviors and sayings from the people they spend the most time. People that surround them are like role models for them, so copying their behavior should be ok. Disobedience can be a copied behavior.

They can see this behavior at their peers and how they interact with others, especially with their parents. Of course, the parents’ reactions are also important. But when a child sees his friend from kindergarten disobeying his parents and getting what he wants, he learns the trick and tries to replicate it at home.

Some parents indeed tolerate disobedience, while others do not.She was in the same situation, and she discovered that her little boy was copying the behavior he has seen on TV. What’s more, the cartoons and video games developed today display more aggressive and bullying behaviors, and children begin to copy that.

So, a good idea would be to limit his time spent watching cartoons and playing video games. Or, you can choose more educational games and cartoons that promote healthy behaviors and social skills in children. Also, you need to be more aware of your behavior as a parent and try to be a role model for your children. Parents are the closest to children, and they will likely copy the behavior they see at home.

#2 Children Test Your Limits

It is in our DNA to push limits and see how far we can go. And while this behavior can be an adaptive one when you pursue your dreams and goals, during childhood, it can be a source of frustrations. Parents often set some boundaries and limits for their children to educate them, which is normal. They are allowed to do certain things, and some are forbidden.

But if we think that the mind of a child is in the process of continuous development, we can understand the fact that he is pushing the limits. When they are not allowed to do something, children will often try to do it. Why? Because they want to see what happens if they break the rules. They want to know if you are serious about those rules. They want to know if there are consequences for doing so.

So, the best solution is to set clear limits and offer consequences. The most important thing is that results have a powerful effect if they are small but applied consistently. If they see that if they break the rules, children need to support negative consequences, they will learn to be more compliant.

#3 They Want Independence

As children grow up, they begin to get to know the world and how it is functioning. They learn to do more things on their own, like going to school. They begin to understand that they have power over their body and wishes. It is known that preschoolers often want to show the skills they have learned; they want to show that they begin to be on their own. On the other hand, teenagers are the peak of independence. And it has become their ultimate goal.

Parents become frustrated when they know that their children are making mistakes. But it is useful to teach them that everything they do has consequences. It is also helpful to always give them choices and not still deciding for them.

For example, you can ask your child if he wants to drink plain or still water. You can give your teenager the choice of joining you to a barbeque with family friends or not. You do not want to raise overly dependent children, but to nurture their feelings of independence.

#4 Children Cannot Control Their Emotions

It is essential to keep in mind that children need to be taught to label their emotions. It is not rare when they cannot describe how they feel, but their feelings are strong. They do not even know what to do when they feel a certain way. The result is more aggressive and disobedient behavior, and this can lead to frustration, anger, and yelling from both sides.

The solution to this is to teach your strong-willed child to label his emotions. Children need to understand that there are positive and negative emotions. And the most important thing is that negative emotions are not bad, but are a natural part of our life. Teach your kids about feelings and teach them healthy ways to cope with them.

Teaching children about feelings can prove to be complicated, as it is hard to explain to children what feelings and emotions are because these are abstract concepts. All they know is that you do not let them eat too much chocolate or drink Pepsi. It is essential to try to teach them about emotions as soon as possible.

Children who can identify their feelings will react with less aggression. Children often respond with tantrums because they do not know how to control and label what they are feeling. Children who are aware of their emotions will say, “I am mad at you,” “I am angry because the other boy took my toy” instead of displaying aggressive behaviors. So, create opportunities to talk about feelings and emotions and always help him label them correctly. A child that can do this is more likely to solve conflicts peacefully.

#5 They Do Not Have Their Needs Met

Children and preschoolers are not so good at expressing their thoughts and feelings. Besides unlabeled emotions, unmet needs can be the cause of their disobedience. Misbehavior can be just a way of telling you that they need something, so you need to look for cues.

Often, children who are ill, hungry, or tired will be disobedient because they do not know how to express what they feel. Be prepared with patience and a lot of guiding questions like “How do you feel?” “Are you hungry?” “Do you feel any physical pain?”.

#6 Disobedience Can Be Effective

Children can learn disobedience from other peers who apply it successfully to their relationship with their parents. Strong-willed children will invest a lot more time in breaking the rules if they have the proof that this gives them what they want.

For example, even if they pushed the limits, if they whine and cry, parents will give him what he wants to make him stop crying. Parents are sensitive to their children’s needs, but they can fall into the trap of being too painful. If children cry or are angry because they were scolded, they broke the rules, and you do not have to give them what they want.

Children often throw tantrums in the middle of the store to get the toy they want. They often make their parents feel embarrassed to get what they want. And they do this because they know this worked in the past. So, you need to stay active and calm. It is how you react to these misbehaviors that encourages or not his tantrums.

#7 They Want Control

Children often avoid doing what they need to do, like cleaning their room, because of the way the situation is exposed. Even though there are activities they need to do because they will be more responsible and aware of their actions, you need to give them a choice.

For example, let him know that he needs to clean his room after he plays with toys. This action will also conflict with others, like watching the favorite cartoon on TV. You just need to ask him, “Do you want to clean your room before or after watching cartoons?”.

Like this, the child will be aware that he needs to perform this activity; it is up to him when. He gets to choose when he cleans his room. He has control over his decisions.

#8 They Can Be Symptoms of Mental Issues

Mental issues are more and more common nowadays. More and more children are diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. Psychological problems could be the cause of disobedience and misbehavior. For example, children with ADHD have trouble following directions, and they are often impulsive.

Children with depression are more irritated, and they do not have the motivation they need to complete their chores. If you think that your child might have mental problems, ask a psychologist to evaluate him. If, indeed, your child has issues, there are solutions for solving them. New techniques for child therapy are developed each year, and they prove to be effective.

Conclusion

Disobedience is a problem more and more common nowadays. And there can be multiple causes. Strong-willed children can learn this behavior from cartoons or video games, and even from their peers. They want to push the limits and test the boundaries you set.

Disobedience can also be caused by the fact that they do not know how to label their emotions and identify their feelings. But with patience and guiding questions, you can help your child identify what he feels.

As they grow up, they want to be independent and have control of their actions, and you need to give them choices. And if you think that mental problems can cause these misbehaviors, ask a child therapist for help.

Do you have a strong-willed child? Let us know what helps you in the comments!

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About the Author:

Liam Catalan has been working as a self-employed copywriter for five years at a professional essay writing service . Also, he was an editor at the University of Melbourne newspaper. Liam loves playing chess and video games. His passion is traveling, and he often offers advice on sustainable ways of traveling.

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